Let’s get straight to the point:
If you’re dating with intent, creating your Must-Have or Non-Negotiable list isn’t optional it’s essential. Skipping this step? That often leads to confusion, exhaustion, and heartbreak. No one wants that.
We know, the idea of making a list sounds simple. And it is. But it’s also a deep, reflective process. It can take you anywhere from 6 hours to 6 days and that’s perfectly okay. You’re defining the foundation for a future relationship. It deserves time.
Here’s how we recommend you go about it:
Step 1: Dream Big
Start by listing down everything you want in a partner. Don’t hold back. Write freely and without judgement.
Step 2: Sort It Out
Take a sheet and divide it into three columns.
Label them:
Must-Have
Good to Have
OK to Have
Now revisit your list and do the following:
Pick the top 3 (or 4 max) things that are absolutely non-negotiable. These go under Must-Have.
This list reflects your core values—the things you know you need to build a life with someone.Choose 5 to 10 items that would be amazing if your partner had them, but aren’t dealbreakers. These go under Good to Have.
Everything else? It lands in the OK to Have column. These are nice, but not essential.
Step 3: Lock It In
Here’s the rule:
Once you finalize your Must-Have list, you can’t add to it for the next 12 months.
You can remove an item or two as you grow and evolve—but adding more? Not allowed.
Why this rule? Because we tend to keep chasing perfection. This list is a boundary you’re setting with yourself to stay grounded and intentional.
Step 4: Begin Your Search
Now, this list becomes your compass.
Don’t try to mold someone into your list it leads to disappointment.
Don’t invest in someone who doesn’t meet the must-haves, you owe it to yourself.
Instead, use your list to filter, focus, and move forward.
A Fun (But Real) Reminder
Even when you find someone who ticks all the boxes, there will be days you wonder:
“Why am I even with this person?”
That’s normal.
In those moments, go back to your Must-Have list.
It’ll remind you exactly why you chose them.
And if we had to create a starter list for you, it might include:
Open-minded, not restrictive
Willing to learn, always a work-in-progress
Serious about life, but doesn’t take it too seriously
Kind, respectful, and grounded
So, what’s on your list?
Take your time. Be honest. And remember this isn’t just about finding someone. It’s about finding your someone.
Need help in creating your must-have list - schedule an interaction with us
You may also like to read - how to date with purpose
