Stop Seeking Certainty While Dating BECAUSE It’s Holding You Back
When we invest our time and effort in finding our person, it’s natural to want some form of assurance. We long for certainty.
Certainty that if we initiate a conversation, it’ll be welcomed.
Certainty that if we connect, there will be instant chemistry.
Certainty that if we meet in real life, the search will end.
But here’s the honest truth:
None of this is certain.
And chasing certainty in dating? It’s one of the quickest paths to burnout and poor choices.
Why Certainty in Dating Is a Trap
Dating with a mindset of guaranteed results sets us up for disappointment. When we expect every step to go "right," even one mismatch can feel like a failure — when really, it's just part of the process. If you’re entering dating seeking a guaranteed outcome, you're setting yourself up for exhaustion.
So here’s a healthier shift:
Instead of looking for certainty, prepare yourself for a clear, intentional 6-month dating journey.
Yes, 6 months.
If you stay consistent, committed, and open, you’re likely to meet someone aligned.
If you take long breaks or show up inconsistently, the process can stretch on.
What Does It Mean to Prepare for a 6-Month Dating Journey?
Here’s how to date with clarity, intention, and less stress:
1. Know Your Must-Haves (Please Keep Them Under 4)
Get clear on your non-negotiables. More than 4 can make the process rigid and slower.
Less than 4? You’ll have more room for real connection.
2. Understand the Investment
Dating takes time. And yes, sometimes money too — for meetups, memberships, travel. Be ready to invest both.
3. You’ll Need to Meet Several People
It’s unlikely you’ll find your person in the first or second try. That’s okay. That’s normal.
4. Be Mindful of How You Communicate
How you engage matters more than you think. Be kind, curious, and self-aware.
5. Texting Is Not the Goal
Texting is often misleading. Move to a voice call, video chat, or in-person meeting as soon as possible.
6. Don’t Compare to Your Past
Each person is new. Interact with them without overlaying past experiences or expectations.
7. Don’t Get Too Emotionally Invested Too Fast
They’re a stranger at this point. Avoid unloading your life story or diving into “deep” conversations too soon. It’s not a therapy session. It’s just a conversation.
8. Respect Their Time, Ask for a Meeting
If they live in the same country — try to meet within 2-3 weeks.
Different country? 2-3 months is a fair window. Don’t linger in chat purgatory.
9. There’s Only One Certainty
The only thing you can control is how mentally strong and emotionally aware you are. Nothing else is guaranteed.
A Final Thought
Dating should feel like a dance — not a test.
It should have laughter, lightness, and room for curiosity.
Stop chasing certainty.
Start preparing yourself.
And trust that, with consistency and clarity, your person is not too far away.
We are here if you seek guidance on how you date. Do schedule a meet here.
You may also enjoy reading How to date with purpose.
