You have recently connected with someone to see if they could be your person. You are talking over text, voice, or video calls. The early conversations are light and generic, or at least they should be. Then one day, something they say does not sit right with you. It could be their view on an everyday issue, a habit, or simply a comment that clashes with your perspective.
Your mind reacts quickly. It tells you that this person is not for you and nudges you to do one of two things:
Ghost the person
Share your frustration and then block them
If this sounds familiar, it may be time to pause.
1. Stop and Pause Before You React
When a disagreement happens, remind yourself:
You are speaking to someone who already passed your early filters.
You are two individuals who will always have different opinions about some things.
This is not about who is right or wrong. It is about how you respond when someone challenges your way of thinking.
While everyone values kindness, what it looks like can differ. For you, kindness may mean feeding stray dogs. For them, it may mean being courteous and respectful in daily interactions. Both forms of kindness can coexist.
2. Understand Instead of Judge
Many singles make the mistake of interpreting every difference as a sign of incompatibility. In reality, what you are seeing is individuality.
When you shift your focus from judging to understanding, you open the door to real connection. Observe how the person engages, how they communicate, and how they handle small differences. These cues often reveal more about emotional maturity than surface-level agreement ever could.
Look for what is working well. Is the person curious about you? Are they respectful even when they disagree? These are stronger indicators of long-term compatibility than identical opinions.
3. Avoid Oversharing Too Early
If something small bothers you, avoid expressing it immediately. Early conversations are meant to build comfort and trust. Sharing every irritation before a bond is formed may create unnecessary tension.
Once you develop a sense of safety and exclusivity with the person, you can revisit earlier moments and share what made you uncomfortable. By then, both of you will be better equipped to handle it maturely.
Often, you will find that the issue was not as significant as it first felt. Your reaction might have been shaped by your mind’s tendency to protect you by spotting negatives early.
4. Build Patience, Not Perfection
At andwemet, we see this often: singles who disconnect too quickly because they are chasing perfection. In doing so, they miss out on good connections that could have grown with a little patience.
Perfection is an illusion. Real connection grows when you accept that differences are natural and focus instead on shared values, kindness, and consistency.
Ask Yourself:
Am I reacting or judging too soon? Is my mind trained to look at negatives instead of possibilities?
Learning to pause before reacting helps you date with calmness and clarity. The next time you find yourself in a disagreement, take a breath. You may discover that what looked like a mismatch was simply a moment to understand each other better.
