You haven't met. You haven't been on a date. But you look forward to their messages, notice when they take longer to reply and have started imagining what a future together might look like.
Sound familiar?
How does this happen when you haven't even met the person?
You are getting to know a prospect, enjoying texting, imagining them to be where your search ends
When you text someone regularly, you learn about work, family, interests and plans for the future.
The conversations start feeling personal. You share things you might not tell everyone. And over time, the person starts becoming part of your daily routine - you want to share things with.
But there is something else happening.
You begin filling in the gaps also called assumption, overthinking. You imagine how they might behave in person, what being together might feel like and whether this could finally be the relationship you have been looking for.
The difficulty is that you become attached to the person you imagine, not just the person you are getting to know because you do not know anyone over a text.
And if this stops - Why does it feel like losing someone when you haven't met?
Imagine texting someone for three weeks. You have shared stories, discussed your families and spoken about what you want from a relationship, made plans to travel and so much more.
Then the conversations stop.
You may feel disappointed, even though you have never met.
Why?
Because you are not necessarily grieving a relationship you had. You may be letting go of the possibility of a relationship you had started imagining.
And that possibility can feel very real when you have invested time, attention and emotion in it.
So, should you stop getting to know someone over text?
No, you do not, but you need to change how you use texting.
Texting is useful. It helps you establish initial interest, share information and arrange the next conversation.
The problem starts when texting becomes the main way you build a connection, without moving towards a call or an in-person meeting.
At andwemet, we believe you should use text to schedule calls and meetings, rather than spend weeks trying to establish a relationship through messages alone.
You don't need to know everything about someone before meeting them. You need enough information to decide whether you would like to explore the connection further, safely and comfortably.
The rest is discovered through actual interaction.
You need to ask this to yourself - Are you dating, or getting attached to the idea of dating?
If you are actively looking for a committed relationship, it is worth asking yourself this question.
Are you enjoying the process of discovering whether you are compatible, or are you already emotionally invested in where you hope the connection will lead?
Neither question is meant to make you feel bad about how you date. It is an invitation to notice your habits and decide whether they are helping you.
At andwemet, our First Text to First Date workshop helps singles reflect on their dating approach and explore how to move from endless texting towards real conversations and meetings.
We host it on the first Sunday of every month.
If you have been texting for weeks without meeting and recognise yourself in this article, perhaps it is time to try a different approach.
Explore the workshop: https://andwemet.com/workshop/from-text-to-first-date
Also read: We've Been Texting for Weeks but Haven't Met. What Should I Do?
