Why First Dates in Your 30s Feel Like Job Interviews
The good news is you both have decided to meet in-person as both are aligned with each other's must-haves.
So you meet over coffee
Before it even arrives, they ask, “So, where do you see yourself in five years?”
And you pause for a moment wondering - is this a date or a performance review?
If you’re in your late 20s or 30s, you’ve probably felt this where first dates often feel more like structured interviews than conversations. They become background checks, career assessments, and life-goal alignments rolled into one.
And interesting you do know every connection start with ease and not connection doesn’t alignment.
Ease and comfort comes when you talk about what you enjoy doing. So asking questions the right way become important. The questions / conversations should be such that reveal who the other person is, rather than diving into a rabbit hole about their past or what they have thought about 5 years from now.
These meets are not easy for anyone, they do come with 'what if's and anxiety' and if you’re nervous, say so aloud. Admitting that you were looking forward to meeting them but are equally nervous helps break the ice making both more comfortable.
At some point, you can even say, “Now that we’re here, let’s get to know each other.” (this small sentence can shift the energy instantly). Ask if they have suggestions, and if not shared are some tips that can help you move the conversation naturally…
What hobby could you spend hours on and never get bored?
Which show or book did you recently binge?
If you had a free weekend , how would you spend it?
What’s a small thing that makes you really happy?
Ask about growing up years, their friends
At andwemet, we highly recommend skipping formal settings for your first few meetings. Go for a walk, visit a museum, join a cooking class , meet at a co-working place or take a ride in a metro ( a couple in making did this) anything that lets you engage without the pressure of constant conversation with moments of silence that feel natural and comfortable, unlike the awkward pauses that happen in an interview-style date.
And if you prefer to meet for coffee then carry a board game or a pack of cards to make the experience feel like fun vs an interview.Remember dating isn’t about finding someone who gives the right answers. It’s about meeting someone who makes you want to see them again, long after the first date ends.
If you want your first date to go well, drop the checklist. Focus on ease, curiosity, and shared moments, we are sure, this will lead to a 2nd interaction. Let us know if it does.
