Ever thought about this - When care feels like control in dating

We’ve all either sent or received messages “good morning”, “good night”, “what have you eaten today?” texts. The ones that go, “Oh, why haven’t you eaten?”, “Where are you going?”, “With whom?”, “What time will you be back?”, and “Have you reached home?”

For some, these messages feel like warmth and care. For others, it appears as that suffocating feeling, even if the intentions are good.

In your 30s and beyond, especially if you’ve been living independently, these types of texts can feel stifling. You’re used to managing your time, space, and food and a sudden flood of micro check-ins can come across as intrusive rather than loving.
This often becomes the reason why the ‘getting to know’ phase doesn’t move forward. Sometimes, it’s even why someone disappears, not because they don’t care, but because they feel overwhelmed by the pace and tone of communication.

Now, this isn’t to say that these messages are bad. In fact, for some people, this is exactly how they express love and care. This might be their love language. But here's the key: it may not be yours or your partner’s.

Even in exclusive relationships, especially in the early days, you’re still figuring each other out. So before you assume this kind of constant communication is how love “should” look, pause and ask: how much is not too much?

Dating isn’t about checking boxes, it's about understanding preferences, pace, and comfort. 

It's about two strangers navigating unfamiliar emotional terrain. So, ask. Learn what makes the other person feel cared for without crossing into control.

If you mean well, that’s great. But ensure that your good intentions aren’t making the other person feel like they’ve signed up for surveillance.

Let dating not be a checklist. Make it fun, light, and respectful. Because a connection blooms when there’s space to breathe.

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