13 Behaviours That Make It Harder to Find Your Person
Finding a committed partner isn’t just about luck, timing, or the quality of dating platforms.
Over the past year, through close observation of early filters, member interactions, and support conversations at andwemet, certain patterns have surfaced consistently. These patterns don’t mean someone won’t find their person but they do signal why the journey often becomes longer, heavier, and more exhausting than it needs to be.
Below are 13 behaviours that commonly make it challenging to find your person.
1. Expecting Daily, Hours-Long Texting Early On
Early-stage connection doesn’t need constant communication. Expecting prolonged daily texting too soon often creates pressure and false intimacy before real compatibility is established.
2. Seeking Attraction or Emotional Intensity Too Quickly
Looking for instant chemistry over text, calls, or the first few interactions places unrealistic expectations on connection. Attraction deepens with shared experiences and not speed.
3. Focusing More on What Isn’t Working
When conversations centre on flaws, gaps, or disappointments, curiosity shuts down. Compatibility is explored, not audited, in the early stages.
4. Being Rigid or Overly Argumentative
Holding on to being “right” instead of being open often blocks connection. Relationships require flexibility, not debate.
5. Using Prospects as Emotional Dumping Grounds
Sharing life challenges is human but doing so too early can overwhelm someone who hasn’t yet built emotional context with you.
6. Reacting or Judging Without Understanding Context
Quick reactions without seeking clarity often lead to misunderstandings. Many promising connections end due to assumptions, not incompatibility.
7. Carrying Unresolved Anger Into Interactions
Unprocessed anger shows up subtly in tone, impatience, or defensiveness and often pushes emotionally available people away.
8. Prioritising Only One’s Own Family Needs
Expecting to live only with one’s own parents while overlooking a prospect’s family responsibilities creates imbalance early on.
9. Treating Height as a Primary Compatibility Measure
Over-indexing on height as a deal breaker often filters out emotionally aligned prospects without addressing what truly sustains a relationship.
10. Being Unwilling to Meet Prospects From Other Cities
Rigid geographical preferences significantly shrink the pool especially for those seeking long-term compatibility over convenience.
11. Expecting the Other Person to Take All the Initiative
When one person does all the initiating, imbalance builds. Mutual effort is a key indicator of readiness for partnership even if you call yourself an introvert.
12. Skipping Friendship and Rushing Toward a Relationship
Strong relationships are built on friendship. Avoiding this phase often leads to fragile foundations.
13. Lacking Clarity Between Early Filters, Must-Haves, and Deal Breakers
When preference - early filters or must-haves, and non-negotiables aren’t clearly distinguished, mixed signals follow. This confusion leads to inconsistent decisions and missed connections.
Having said this, I’m not aware of many spaces that actively offer dating guidance alongside introductions and this is what differentiates andwemet.
At andwemet, dating guidance isn’t a separate afterthought. It is also built into how we operate through our prompts and community discussions, through our blogs, and through in‑person conversations with me. The intent is simple: help singles date with more clarity, self-awareness, and effectiveness.
Here is my request.
Read the 13 behaviours listed above carefully. If even a few resonate with you, treat them as areas to work on. Correcting patterns improves outcomes far more than complaining about dating platforms, processes, or prospects.
And for those who do not relate to these behaviours and are actively investing time and effort into their search chances are strong that you will find your person very soon.
Dating becomes lighter and more successful when reflection replaces resistance.
At andwemet, that shift is what we consistently see make the difference.
The image featured in this blog title comes from a real-time discussion held within the andwemet singles community.
