Why Should You Get Married? Understanding What Marriage Is Really About…

I get asked this question quite often: Why should one marry? Is it only about sex?

I find this question a little sad.

In India, where sex before marriage is still considered taboo in many families and communities, marriage is often seen as the socially accepted way to experience physical intimacy.

But is that really what marriage is about?

What about friendship? Companionship? Having your special person? Someone to laugh with, tease, share your thoughts with and experience life with?

Physical intimacy is an important part of a relationship. But marriage or a committed relationship is so much more than that.

Let me explain what I mean.

1. Marriage is about friendship and companionship

It is about having that one person who is also your friend.

Someone you want to share the little things with. Something funny that happened at work, an interesting conversation, a problem you are trying to solve or simply what you feel like eating.

It is having someone whose company you enjoy.

You don't always need to plan something special or go somewhere. Sometimes, sitting together, doing your own things and occasionally talking is enough.

You have your special person. And there is something lovely about that.

2. Marriage is about laughter, teasing and being like a child

I think we underestimate how important laughter is in a relationship.

It is teasing each other, pulling each other's leg, making silly jokes, laughing at things that nobody else would understand and being completely childish with each other.

You should be able to be yourself without constantly worrying about how you sound or look.

There is a certain joy in having someone with whom you can be silly, serious, vulnerable and everything in between.

A relationship should have its share of laughter. Life is serious enough as it is!

3. Marriage is about learning from each other and growing as individuals

You are two different people. You come with different experiences, interests, opinions and ways of looking at life.

There is so much you can learn from each other.

Your partner may introduce you to something you have never experienced before. You may encourage them to pursue something they have always wanted to do.

Perhaps one wants to start a business, learn a new skill, travel more or take up a hobby.

You encourage each other.

Your partner's growth should not make you feel insecure, and your growth should not make them feel left behind.

A good relationship allows both people to become better versions of themselves.

4. Marriage is also about having your own space

This is something I feel strongly about.

You are TWO different individuals. Just because you are married or in a committed relationship does not mean you have to do everything together.

You can have your own friends, interests, hobbies and ways of spending your time.

Your partner may want to spend an evening with their friends while you prefer to stay home. You may want to travel somewhere they are not particularly interested in.

That is perfectly fine.

You don't have to give up your individuality to make a relationship work.

In fact, having your own space and respecting each other's independence makes being together more enjoyable.

5. Marriage is about disagreements, compromise and adjustment

You will disagree. You will get upset with each other. There will be times when you simply cannot understand why the other person thinks the way they do.

And that is okay.

Where there are two thinking individuals, there will be differences of opinion.

The important thing is to learn how to handle these differences.

It is about listening, understanding where the other person is coming from, expressing yourself without being disrespectful and sometimes letting go of an argument.

Yes, relationships require compromise and adjustment.

But it cannot always be one person adjusting. Both need to make room for each other.

You don't have to win every argument. Sometimes understanding each other is more important than proving who is right.

6. Marriage is about managing each other's families and friends

You both come with your own set of family members, friends, relationships and responsibilities.

You need to learn how to manage these relationships while respecting each other's place in your life.

Your parents are important. So are your partner's parents.

Your friends matter. So do theirs.

It is also about how you speak about your partner to your family and friends.

You may have disagreements at home, but that does not mean you constantly run your partner down in front of others.

Respecting your relationship extends beyond the two people in it.

And remember, marriage does not mean that one person's family automatically becomes more important than the other's.

7. And yes, marriage is also about physical intimacy

Let's not pretend otherwise.

Physical intimacy is an important part of a romantic relationship for many couples.

There is a different kind of joy in being physically close to someone with whom you share friendship, trust, affection, attraction and emotional intimacy.

It is not just about sex. It is about wanting to hold someone, hug them, kiss them, be close to them and feel wanted.

When you have that emotional connection with someone, physical intimacy can be a wonderful experience.

But it is one part of the relationship. It cannot be the entire relationship.

If you are looking at marriage only as a way to have sex, I think you are missing out on everything else that makes sharing your life with someone special.

So, why should you marry?

Marriage or a committed relationship can be one of life's greatest highs.

It is having someone to share your everyday experiences with. Someone who makes you laugh, challenges your thinking, encourages you, gives you space, stands beside you and occasionally drives you crazy!

It is having a companion while still being your own person.

It is knowing that you have someone with whom you can build a life, not because you need someone to complete you, but because you enjoy having them in your life.

And that is a beautiful thing.

Finding your person is one skill. Building a relationship is another.

Here is something I feel we need to talk about more in India.

We spend a lot of time preparing people to get married. We discuss age, education, profession, income, family background, community and expectations.

But how much time do we spend teaching people how to build a relationship?

How do you understand another person? How do you communicate? How do you deal with differences? How do you make adjustments without losing yourself? How do you keep the friendship alive after marriage?

These are skills.

You need to learn how to identify someone who is compatible with you. And once you find that person, you need to learn how to build a relationship that works for both of you.

Unfortunately, many of us enter marriage without having consciously learnt these skills.

We assume that things will fall into place once we get married.

But a marriage certificate does not automatically teach you how to be a good partner.

At andwemet, I strongly believe that finding your person is only the beginning. We also need to equip ourselves with the knowledge and skills to build a healthy relationship.

Because getting married is not the final achievement.

Having a relationship that makes you look forward to sharing your life with someone is.

And no, it is definitely not just about sex!