There are reports on the internet show an uncomfortable truth that a high percentage of married Indians admit to being unfaithful at least once. Digital affairs are growing, open relationships are becoming common, and platforms that enable extramarital connections are seeing record growth.
Cheating and adultery have never been rare. They are happening around us, quietly or openly. So the question isn’t just why do people cheat, but why are so many unhappy in their relationships to begin with?
Many claim that humans are not meant to be monogamous. I disagree.
Humans are capable of monogamy, but only when they are living in relationships built with clarity.
Over the last few years of building andwemet and interacting with singles aged 28, 29, 30 and beyond, as well as parents of singles who reach out to speak with me, I have seen clear reasons behind the growing unhappiness in a relationship that eventually leads to cheating or adultery.
Let’s look at some of them.
1. The pressure to say “yes” too soon
When introduced to a potential partner, especially through family networks, most are encouraged to say yes because “the background check is done.” The check usually covers education, income, and family inheritance. What it rarely includes is emotional compatibility or shared values.
Couples are not encouraged to spend quality time together before making a decision. Real connection takes 5–7 in-person meetings to develop. The first few interactions are often awkward, filled with small talk and polite behaviour. Without time to know each other, people enter relationships without clarity or confidence in their choice.
2. The lack of dating mindset
Dating, or even meeting someone new, requires a mindset shift. It needs reflection, patience, and the ability to ask yourself questions like “Why am I here?” and “What kind of person aligns with me?” Most people skip this process. They jump into relationships based on external validation rather than internal readiness.
3. Unrealistic expectations
Many singles and once they become couples carry long lists of expectations. These go well beyond 3–4 dealbreakers and extend into a detailed idea of how the other person should behave, speak, or respond. Having standards is healthy, but expecting perfection is not.
Trust and understanding take years to build. The desire to have everything fall into place within months creates pressure, frustration, and disappointment.
4. Interference from family and friends
In India, relationships are rarely between two people alone. Families, friends, and even acquaintances often have opinions that influence decisions. Their interference, sometimes subtle and sometimes direct, can cause tension or resentment between partners.
5. Insecurity and overthinking
Insecurity is one of the most silent relationship disruptors. Many people overthink or misread situations because of self-doubt. Working with a professional or counsellor can help, but therapy is still seen as a cost rather than an investment in personal well-being. Over time, unaddressed insecurities grow into emotional distance.
6. Tolerating abuse or unhappiness
Many people stay in emotionally or mentally abusive relationships because leaving feels harder than staying. They choose tolerance over transformation. Some continue to believe that enduring suffering is part of a relationship, while others fear social judgment or financial instability.
Why not just walk away?
If people are unhappy or unsatisfied, why not separate?
Because even today, divorce in India carries stigma. It is viewed as a personal failure rather than a situational decision. Divorce proceedings can also be expensive and emotionally draining.
For many, adultery feels like an easier escape than confrontation or change. It offers temporary relief without dismantling the structure of marriage.
But is divorce the answer?
Not always. Divorce may free you from a relationship, but it does not guarantee self-awareness or peace. Unfortunately even after a break-up many enter new relationships with the same patterns and expectations as before.
Real relationships take time. If you entered one with clarity and choice, remind yourself that it can take 10–12 years of living together to truly understand your partner at the level you hope to in the first three months.
So, why is adultery rising in India?
Because clarity is missing at every stage.
Singles are told what to look for without ever being asked what they want. Couples are told to adjust without being taught how to communicate. Parents focus on social fit instead of emotional readiness.
We are not struggling with monogamy. We are struggling with honesty with ourselves and our partners.
And that is where the change begins.
At andwemet, we help singles 28 and above build dating clarity before they commit. Because clarity is what sustains connection, and connection is what makes commitment last.
