Dating 101: Where Do I Even Start?
A guide for singles in 28, 29, 30 and beyond
So, you’re ready to find your person.
But you’re also staring blankly at your screen thinking,
“Okay… but where do I even begin?”
Maybe you’ve never really dated before life just didn’t go that way.
Or maybe you’ve been in the dating space on and off for years, and you’re exhausted.
Maybe you’re getting back out there after a long break — or even after losing someone.
Whatever your path looks like, one thing is certain:
You already have a full life.
A job that keeps you busy. Friends. Family. Maybe a dog who thinks you’re their whole world. You have hobbies, a social life, routines, and hopefully, some time for yourself.
So now, amidst all this…
You’re expected to find love?
Schedule dates between work calls and laundry? Figure out what “good chemistry” even means?
Let’s be honest it can feel overwhelming. And that’s the honest truth.
So here’s a step-by-step guide or call it a gentle nudge to help you get started.
Not with pressure. Not with performance. But with presence.
Step 1: Start fresh like, really fresh
This is a new beginning. And we mean new-new, each interaction to be looked like that.
Not “I’ll try again but I already know how this ends.”
Not “I’ve been burned before so I’ll keep one eye open.”
Nope. We’re pressing reset.
Whatever happened before whether you dated or didn’t, whether it ended in heartbreak or just fizzled out — that’s the past.
And the past served its purpose.
You’re here now, and that’s what matters.
Start this chapter with an open mind. Maybe even a little curiosity.
Let yourself say, “Let’s see what happens… but I’m in.”
Step 2: Reflect (yes, with yourself)
Before you start looking outwards take a moment to look in.
Ask yourself,
“What am I really looking for in a partner now?”
Not what your 25-year-old self wanted.
Not what your parents think you should want.
This is about you, in your current reality.
Take time. For some, this takes a couple of hours. For others, a few days.
There’s no rush. But the deeper the reflection, the clearer your path becomes.
Now, make your dealbreaker / must have list.
These are your non-negotiables. And here’s a rule no more than 3 or 4. That’s it.
Think:
Do I want to have children or not?
Do I need someone who is calm because I can be high-energy?
Am I looking for emotional depth? Or physical closeness?
Can I handle different sex drives, different religious views, or differing lifestyles?
Please don’t put: “Should have a full head of hair” or “must be fair.”
Those are not life partner requirements.
They’re… filters. Based on societal noise. And trust me, when you meet someone who makes you feel seen — you’ll realise none of that matters.
Oh, and let’s not list “honesty” and “loyalty” as dealbreakers.
Those are human basics not wishlist items.
Step 3: Accept that the search will take effort
Finding your person doesn’t just happen in between scrolling Instagram and replying to emails.
It takes presence, intent, and yes, some effort.
Your person is not a pizza. They won’t just arrive at your door in 30 minutes or less.
You’ll have to show up sometimes even when you’d rather not.
You might have to go on a few awkward calls, deal with some disappointments, maybe even face a rejection or two.
But here's what makes it worth it
For the right person, every bit of effort will feel like it led you somewhere meaningful.
And if you need help navigating how to date — there’s no shame in that.
You can reach out to a coach, a therapist, or yes, even us. andwemet offers relationship guidance for those in the community or not. Because you're not supposed to figure it all out alone.
Step 4: Tell People You’re Looking
This one might be the toughest.
Because somewhere along the way, society made “looking for love” feel like a weakness.
Let’s break that.
Tell your inner circle — your friends, siblings, that colleague you trust that you're open to meeting someone. That you're intentionally dating.
Not in a “do you know anyone” kind of way.
But in a “I’m clear about wanting to share my life with someone” kind of way.
Also, pick one or two dating platforms — not five.
Swipe fatigue is real. More options do not mean more alignment.
Choose a space that’s built for your phase of life.
(Hint hint: andwemet is one such space designed for singles in 28, 29, 30 & beyond, who are seeking a committed partner.)
Spend just 30 minutes a day 15 minutes in the morning, 15 in the evening.
Step 5: Make the First Message Matter
You’ve found someone interesting.
Their profile made you smile. Or pause. Or wonder.
Now what?
Don’t just send:
“Hey, liked your profile. What do you do?”
Instead, say what made you want to connect.
Maybe it was something they said about kindness. Or their love for quiet mornings. Or that book they couldn’t stop reading.
Lead with intention. Not resume points.
Tell them what made you choose them. That’s how a real connection begins.
💌 And when they respond? That’s Part 2 of Dating 101. Coming soon.
Final Thoughts
Starting to date in your 30s or beyond isn’t “late.”
It’s just different.
It’s more intentional.
And it’s very, very possible.
If you’re looking for a space that understands this where you don’t have to pretend, compete, or swipe endlessly - come explore our community
We’re building it for singles like you.
And we’d love to have you.
